RazorJAK
04-21-2008, 05:02 AM
I've been toying with a storyline for ages. I've only written bits and pieces over the years. Mostly it's been character backgrounds.
But I thought I'd let you all read an excerpt. Commentary is welcome; whether it be good or bad.
...
"Fuckin' Hell, It's never like this in the comic books. At least not the ones that were around when I was a kid." Zeke cursed as he gazed down at the smoldering remains of the devil he had just dispatched.
As the flesh started to flake off and blow away in the warm autumn breeze, he wondered what his life would have been like if he'd been a *cough* normal guy. Just another sheep wandering around, oblivious to the second world that existed just out of view.
"Probably would've ended up a mindless gibbering mess like that poor fool." he muttered to himself as his partner squatted next to still form of the beast's last victim and prodded it with a discarded piece of rebar.
Drool slid from the corner of the man's slack lips as his vacant stare focused on nothing. It was probably a cruel blessing that the hipster was little more than an empty shell judging from the ruined mass of blood and tissue which was all that was left of his groin.
"Skeezix, throw me the glove. I need to get the goods out before she's completely charcoal."
"How many times have I asked you not to call me that? I have a name, you know." the emasciated scarecrow scowled as he stopped playing with the catatonic hipster and commenced to rummaging around in an oversized rucksack which appeared to weigh twice what he did.
"Yeah yeah, get a name that doesn't run the risk of invoking a beast from hell if I mispronounce it and I'll start calling you by name. At least I'm not calling you emoboy. Now get me the glove."
Tossing a gauntlet of blackened metal and scorched leather, the creature chuckled, "What? Afraid of what I'd do to you while you were paralyzed?"
Sliding the gauntlet on, Zeke whispered arcane words and a faint glow of swirling blacks and reds started to flow from fingertip to just before the elbow of his gloved hand.
"Time to get paid. You want to stop messing with the meatbag and come hold this open for me? I'd like to get this done with before the scavengers pick up the smell of cooked meat. I'm not in the mood for ANOTHER fight tonight."
Skeezix left his entertainment and sauntered over to the dead beast which would appear to be nothing but a dead hooker to those who weren't cursed with 'the sight'. Gripping the legs, he grinned and pulled apart as wide as his elongated arms would allow. The sound of popping joints and tearing connective tissue echoed through the alley.
"You enjoy that too much." Zeke said as he pulled his fist back and drove it into the succubus' groin with the force of a heavyweight boxer. The beast's vagina dentata shattered against the gauntlet as the venom from those deadly teeth oozed out. The mystical field flared and brightened as the toxin flowed over the metal and became denatured and harmless.
"Smiley? How long do you think this one was active on this side?"
"No clue. You know I don't keep track of the smallfry. I have bigger things to sniff out." the scarecrow chuckled as he watched the young man scrape that gauntlet along the inner walls of the succubus' fetid womb.
"Smallfry? Is this the work of a smallfry?" he withdrew the gauntlet with a sickening sucking sound. In his fist he was holding a large handful of crystals which glowed with various levels of intensity. Each one of the crystals contained the life energy of one of the beasts previous victims.
"She must've been on this side for at least a full season. That or she was greedier than the rest of her breed. Looks like you'll be set for months with that payload." The lanky creature which had been Zeke's constant companion since childhood commented. "Want me to start cleaning up?"
"Yeah, probably for the best. I'll meet you back at the apartment after I've gone to talk with HER."
"Try not to get robbed this time. She always tries to give you too little for those things." Skeezix smiled even wider than seemed possible as his lower jaw unhinged and he went back over to the comatose john.
Zeke turned to walk away, placing the soul crystals in one of the many pockets of his long coat. "It's not like there's another place I can trade these. I'm not going to start dealing with the fiends running the dark market on St Mark's."
Walking out of the alley, he wished that he'd been there in time to save the fool. But at least the john's tragic mistake of picking up a succubus posing as a streetwalker allowed Zeke to take the beast out. And Skeezix unigue method of disposing of the body would keep the creature from pestering Zeke about being allowed to go hunt for awhile.
"I wonder which one of these was him." He thought as he felt the crystals pulse in a discordant manner not unlike a roomfull of hearts beating at different cadences.
There were times he wished he could hold a 9 to 5 job. There were times he wished that he hadn't been cursed with the ability to see the 'world next door'. But most of all he wished he knew a way to make money in anyway besides trading the crystals he harvested from the demons he slew.
"It's not like this in the comic books."
But I thought I'd let you all read an excerpt. Commentary is welcome; whether it be good or bad.
...
"Fuckin' Hell, It's never like this in the comic books. At least not the ones that were around when I was a kid." Zeke cursed as he gazed down at the smoldering remains of the devil he had just dispatched.
As the flesh started to flake off and blow away in the warm autumn breeze, he wondered what his life would have been like if he'd been a *cough* normal guy. Just another sheep wandering around, oblivious to the second world that existed just out of view.
"Probably would've ended up a mindless gibbering mess like that poor fool." he muttered to himself as his partner squatted next to still form of the beast's last victim and prodded it with a discarded piece of rebar.
Drool slid from the corner of the man's slack lips as his vacant stare focused on nothing. It was probably a cruel blessing that the hipster was little more than an empty shell judging from the ruined mass of blood and tissue which was all that was left of his groin.
"Skeezix, throw me the glove. I need to get the goods out before she's completely charcoal."
"How many times have I asked you not to call me that? I have a name, you know." the emasciated scarecrow scowled as he stopped playing with the catatonic hipster and commenced to rummaging around in an oversized rucksack which appeared to weigh twice what he did.
"Yeah yeah, get a name that doesn't run the risk of invoking a beast from hell if I mispronounce it and I'll start calling you by name. At least I'm not calling you emoboy. Now get me the glove."
Tossing a gauntlet of blackened metal and scorched leather, the creature chuckled, "What? Afraid of what I'd do to you while you were paralyzed?"
Sliding the gauntlet on, Zeke whispered arcane words and a faint glow of swirling blacks and reds started to flow from fingertip to just before the elbow of his gloved hand.
"Time to get paid. You want to stop messing with the meatbag and come hold this open for me? I'd like to get this done with before the scavengers pick up the smell of cooked meat. I'm not in the mood for ANOTHER fight tonight."
Skeezix left his entertainment and sauntered over to the dead beast which would appear to be nothing but a dead hooker to those who weren't cursed with 'the sight'. Gripping the legs, he grinned and pulled apart as wide as his elongated arms would allow. The sound of popping joints and tearing connective tissue echoed through the alley.
"You enjoy that too much." Zeke said as he pulled his fist back and drove it into the succubus' groin with the force of a heavyweight boxer. The beast's vagina dentata shattered against the gauntlet as the venom from those deadly teeth oozed out. The mystical field flared and brightened as the toxin flowed over the metal and became denatured and harmless.
"Smiley? How long do you think this one was active on this side?"
"No clue. You know I don't keep track of the smallfry. I have bigger things to sniff out." the scarecrow chuckled as he watched the young man scrape that gauntlet along the inner walls of the succubus' fetid womb.
"Smallfry? Is this the work of a smallfry?" he withdrew the gauntlet with a sickening sucking sound. In his fist he was holding a large handful of crystals which glowed with various levels of intensity. Each one of the crystals contained the life energy of one of the beasts previous victims.
"She must've been on this side for at least a full season. That or she was greedier than the rest of her breed. Looks like you'll be set for months with that payload." The lanky creature which had been Zeke's constant companion since childhood commented. "Want me to start cleaning up?"
"Yeah, probably for the best. I'll meet you back at the apartment after I've gone to talk with HER."
"Try not to get robbed this time. She always tries to give you too little for those things." Skeezix smiled even wider than seemed possible as his lower jaw unhinged and he went back over to the comatose john.
Zeke turned to walk away, placing the soul crystals in one of the many pockets of his long coat. "It's not like there's another place I can trade these. I'm not going to start dealing with the fiends running the dark market on St Mark's."
Walking out of the alley, he wished that he'd been there in time to save the fool. But at least the john's tragic mistake of picking up a succubus posing as a streetwalker allowed Zeke to take the beast out. And Skeezix unigue method of disposing of the body would keep the creature from pestering Zeke about being allowed to go hunt for awhile.
"I wonder which one of these was him." He thought as he felt the crystals pulse in a discordant manner not unlike a roomfull of hearts beating at different cadences.
There were times he wished he could hold a 9 to 5 job. There were times he wished that he hadn't been cursed with the ability to see the 'world next door'. But most of all he wished he knew a way to make money in anyway besides trading the crystals he harvested from the demons he slew.
"It's not like this in the comic books."