Is this IT for our Hero??(Crazeyal's Arena response)

[Crazeyal]

The producers of The Devil's in the Deed would like to express their regret and sympathy to the family of Ray K "Crazeyal" Allen. This, the final episode, is dedicated to his memory..


http://i187.photobucket.com/albums/x272/crazeyal/weirdal.gif


Hello Ladies and Gents.. I'm "Weird" Al Yankovich, and I'm here to say goodbye to someone even MORE bent than I am.. WAS more bent.. Well.. I guess you don't GET more bent than BENT OVER AND BEATEN TO DEATH AND CHOKING ON YOUR OWN VOMIT!!!

http://www.rifftrax.com/files/weirdal.jpg

But I digress...

We are here to congradulate the first person to EVER beat Crazeyal in a roleplay deathmatch. Even MORE surprising is that the Beconer (bacon -er?) of his fate was the Housewife in Hotpants ASIANMOMMY!! This Hootch...

Hotcha...

AW WHO AM I KIDDING?!?

I GUESS IT'S TIME TO RIP MY FACE OFF!!


http://i187.photobucket.com/albums/x272/crazeyal/alAL.gif

Like THIS show could ever afford to pay WEIRD AL...

*Opening Themesong*

Waking up at the start of the end of the world,
But its feeling just like every morning before,
Now I wonder what my life is going to mean if its gone,
The cars are moving like a half a mile an hour if that
I started staring at the passengers waving goodbye
Can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time

But I believe the world is burning to the ground
Oh well I guess we're gonna find out
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come (http://www.aimini.net/view/?fid=zFDaHHgEcx7SWFWK5nkm)

The Devil's in the Deed!!
Brought to you by Microsoft

Thought you'd seen the last of me.. huh?? Tell you folks the truth.. it was a DAMN sight closer than I'd like to admit.. MOMMIE ALMOST GOT ME!!!

With the sun, he’s sweating and salivating, the pebble, too big to swallow, making the drool worse. She’s sitting on his chest, and she’s got those drunken teenagers holding down his limbs. He begins to drown in his own drool and in a while is dead.

AM sighs and steps up from his chest. She takes a photo of him with her phone, sending it to the judges. “It’s done.”

Asianmommy saunters off, smiling to herself over the victory, and losing the jovial visage almost instantly. She looks back at the inert from of Al, realizes that she still is in a public area, and THEN realizes she just COMMITTED MURDER...

Asianmommie's compact form surpresses a shudder, the toned muscles rippling like waves as she draws deep breaths to calm herself. "HE challenged ME... It isn't my fault he's gone.. He underestimated me..."(she chokes back a cry for a second, and then her face is a mask of anger)"The egotistical bastard even thought he'd TAKE IT EASY on me..."

AM suddenly bends straight down, stretching her calves and hamstrings. With a dancer's grace, she lifts her leg straight up in the air. A few quick stretches later, she pulls a runner's number out of her buttpack and pins it on her chest.

"You guys grab a bus or something... I'll give you the rest of the payment when I hit an ATM!" And with that, the lithe form of AM is off in the distance, running like someone is chasing her. The drunken teens shrug at each other and wonder where they are going to get more booze, now that the ADULT has left. They wander around the corner just in time to attract the attention of the race officials.

"GODDAMN KIDS!!" bellowed the EMT tech. "IF I have to rehydrate one of you damn deliquents YOU ARE GOING TO JUVIE HALL!! I.. oh.. oh crap!!"

The EMT spied Al's lifeless body and years of training and experience took over. Grabbing his partner by the scruff of his neck, the forty-something, balding former jock starts in on his life's work... saving lives. He figured there would be heat stroke, out of shape office workers having coronaries, possibly even some violence... He never figured on all three!

"I got an obstructed airway, sunburn so bad he's gonna have radiation poisoning, something in the mouth, no breathing and VERY little pulse.. make that NO PULSE!! HE'S FLATLINING!! AIRWAY'S CLEAR!! yuck.. a pebble?? GIMME PADDLES!! CLEAR!!

ZZZZZZZZZZZRPP

No good.. Try again...CLEAR!!

ZZZZZZZZZZZRPP

KELLY CLARKSON HAS MAN NIPPLES!!


"I.. *snerk* I.. gotta *snort* p-pulse"

The EMT worker's partner grabs a tube of clear gel, smearing it on the paddles.

"Dude.. what the??"

"Comon.. I *GOTTA* see if he says it again.."

"No.. NO WAY!"

"Comon... You KNOW you want to..."

"I.. I.. oh.. damn I'm going to hell.."

ZZZZZZZZZZZRPP

MADDONA PLAYED BACKWARDS IS GOSPELL

ZZZZZZZZZZZRPP

FRENCH CUSINE IS MY UNDERWEAR

ZZZZZZZZZZZRPP

Washing machines don't do truck tires!!

ZZZZZZZZZZZRPP

I've watched Baywatch Nights! ON PURPOSE!!

ZZZZZZZZZZZRPP

I'm awake now and I'm going to kill you..

ZZZZZZZZZZZRPP


A red fist flies into the face of the first EMT, so fast that the other one is still giggling and holding his hands out for the defibrilator. They recieve them.

ZZZZZZZZZZZRPP

"Okay Momma... I underestimated you... MY TURN..."

To be continued

[Crazeyal]

Well ladies and gents.. Gotta tellya.. The red guy was NOT feelin too happy at this point. But I had a job to do. Problem was, I had TRUELY underestimated my opponant. She had prepared, I figured I'd work something out onsite. Now I was playing catchup, and AM had flunkies, weapons, and ONE UP ON ME!!!

But...

A quick trip to the liquor store got me some bracing. One or two shots of liquid courage eased enough of the pain so that I could think. I took a look at the bottle in my hands, and realized AM had forgotten a primary weakness of her chosen champions. Booze wears off. Hormones and teenage pride?? Takes a few years!!!

One trip back INTO the liquor store later...

It didn't take long to find the throng of teenage boozers. They'd only gotten a few blocks before bogging down into arguements over who would be driving the only transportation they'd been able to find... A purloined moped!

"Hey... Darth Vespa!! Yeah.. YOU on the scooter!! Remember ME?!?"

"Oh.. You want some MORE old man?!?!? You got taken out by a HOUSEWIFE... $#@! off and lemme go find some booze!! I'll kick yer azz latah..."

"Oh REALLY??!! Tell you what!! If any of you young PUNKS can outdrink an old Marine, I'll pay for the taxi home!!"

All of them were suddenly friendly as could be. Until they saw the bottles of EVERCLEAR. 150 proof. They blanched, they argued, finally.. they sat down and DRANK!!

Youth and intensity will ALWAYS fall sway to experience and treachery. Having never played "bar games" the young punks never saw the "Palm an empty glass" trick coming. Nor the "toss the drink over your shoulder" trick or even the "Just SAY you drank it" that starts to work after the 10th round or so.

15 minutes later, all of the teenagers were staggering drunk and ready to pass out. With a quick cellphone call to the Annheiser Busch "We'll drive you home" line, 3 minivans pulled out and loaded the teens into them with expertise and gentleness.

"Their parents will want to have a word with them.. they are all running the race. Just get us all down to the recieving area and they should get EXACTLY the treatment they deserve!!"

Asianmommy looks around the race's end with a bittersweet bit of pride. She's only run about half the course, but she'd done something MUCH more physical beforehand. There was no doubt about it. After working out, she felt MUCH better about the whole thing. She was a relative newbie to the Forums, but shutting Al's big mouth forever should cement her as a mover and shaker. No-one outside of the forums would know about it... eeeeexcept she was still carrying the $#&!ing SAUCE POT!!

She threw it aside with a muttered curse, not hearing the satisfying THUNK she thought she would. While she hadn't run anywhere NEAR as far as the rest of the runners, none of THEM were stupid enough to wear Pleather hot pants while jogging! She hadn't felt this much heat down in her nether regions since GETTING the moniker "Mommy"!!

The tiny hands of AM reached out to the outstretched cups and jugs for water, juice, whatever was offered. She grinned to herself "Still got it!!" as a gloved hand smacked the others away to give her "the prize". She smiled at the thought of people fighting over her as she chugged down the chilled beverage.

Gloves?? Who wears GLOVES in this heat?? Oh screw it.. that drink was GOOD dammit!! hmm.. more water... water... nope.. OOH! GLOVES!! GIMME!!
She had drunk five cups of the scrumptious drink when she realized the ONLY person she knew who $$#ing wore gloves!! IT COULDN'T BE!!!


HAY ITsCH DA LADIIIE!!

BLORF!!


"OH GOD NO!!" she thought. The projectile vomiting teen was joined by a female version, who first commented about how much she liked the shorts..

RAAAAALPh!!

The teens, vaugley remembering that AM owed them money, kept following her, but the Everclear had worked it's way through their systems by now. AM was assaulted on all sides with the remnants of lunch, dinner, yesterday's breakfast, some of them were puking so hard BREAST MILK came up!! (or at least it LOOKED like it..)

Asianmommy: EW EW EW EW!!!

Crazeyal: This way milady!! You'll be safer down here!!

Not caring in the least, AM ran straight towards what HAD to be Al's voice. She was simply COVERED in slime and HAD to get away... ANYWHERE...

Rounding the corner she was met by the full force of a fire hose, knocking her flat on her bum. GOD that hurt... The stream continued for a long few seconds, and then thankfully abated. Good GOD she had landed hard on her butt... Wait a second.. that wasn't why it was hurting...

"Yeah.. Pleather and caustic drenching, followed by COLD WATER... not too good on the ol cleaning scale... Those shorts getting a mite.. tight??"

She sat there, writhing in pain from the compression, winded and ... and.. something else.. She COULDN'TTHINKABOUTTHATRIGHTNOW!! Her eyes shut tight from the pain, they opened when she heard the knife unsheath.

"I-I'll k-kick your-r-rrrr Ah hah ahhhh hooooowwwww OW DAMMIT!!" She said as the tight pleather started crimping on places best not mentioned around AL.

"As long as you promise not to plunge it into ME.. you may have the knife to.. release yourself.."

He was up to something..she couldn't think clearly. She took the knife and looked at it.. Her HANDS were shaking too much!! She looked down at her legs and saw the veins popping out in her legs. Dropping the knife, she looked up at him with pleading eyes. "But of COURSE I will help you.. just say the word, my dear.."

"Puh- PLEASE.." She started

With a smile that could set fire to kindling, Crazeyal gave a condescendingly helpless shrug. "I wouldn't do such things without being asked, milady.. I AM a gentleman.. what would you have me do??"

"PUH PLEASE cut off my pants"

"I'm sorry I didn't hear that.. say again??"

She convulsed in pain and strange sensations, her vision swimming a little. "PLEASE TAKE MY PANTS OFF!!"

Oh HELLZ yes to be continued!!:al:

[Crazeyal]

With a deft flick of the wrist, the knife slid along the Pleather short's seam. They peeled instantly back, up and off into the street, slinging like a stretched rubber band.


OH MY GOD I'M NAKED IN PUBLIC!!

Asianmommy crouched down and tried to hide her exquisite self, but she simply wasn't wearing enough to cover her bottom. She hid her head in her arms and closed her eyes. She was JUST going to get up and bolt for cover, hide under a truck or something, when she felt herself fall backwards from a backwards push.

Her rump landed in something cold and wet, her legs smacking against something cold and HARD.. metal. The .. COOKING POT?!?

AM: H-Hey.. I'm STUCK!!!

Al: Now now.. Wouldn't want you getting ARRESTED or something.. Here.. GRRRNNT let me convey this to the van and we'll find you some clothes..

AM:Whu.. WhIIyyy *ngh* Whuh why are you being n-nice?? Whuh WHAT's go-guh-going on with m-m-me?

Al:Well... You see.. you simply HAVE to be careful with those energy drinks.. Especially the ones which contain ginseng, ginkgo biloba, guarana, schizandra, taurine.. They tend to have a ...endorphine effect.. especially on young ladies.. You know.. drinking several of them.. very fast.. when dehydrated?? CAN lead to.. lack of judgement...

AM: Buh Buh Buh.. *GAH* Stuck.. in .. pot.. Whuh.. whas.. *sigh* IN HERRE??*slosh shlosh

AL: Oh that?? That's about $60 worth of the same Energy drink.. You know.. absorbing medicine through other methods than drinking them is a tried and true method of..

AM: DONNN'T CAAAARRREEEEE!! NUH.. NEEEDD HEEEP!!!

Al: And.. what.. pray tell.. would this (*touches a finger onto Asianmommy's nose*) "HEP" be??

AM responds by grabbing at Al's hand and thrusting it into the center of the cooking pot. She looks at him with pleading eyes and the elixer sprays upward from her attempts to USE said hand.

Al: My My... (*looks at freed and gloveless hand*) I lose more gloves that way..

AM: PLEEEEEEASSSSSE!!

Al: Don't worry..I've recruited a "friend" for you... It's even waterproof!! Brnnnnnnnnn (*kisses the rubber "appliance*) here ya go.. I'm pretty sure some "Drool" is on there..

Oh.. and thanks for the cellphone.. Gotta love being able to upload stuff to the Internet.. OOoo.. slow down.. you'll HURT yourself...

AM:GAH!!!! NRBBBLB!! Weeeeeeeeeeeee

Al: Oh.. and Momma?? Haven't you ever read the old English poets... I may have "died" for you once.. But You seem to be hitting your stride at .. what is it now?? FOUR "little deaths"?


RAY KENNETH JAMAAL WERNER ALLOIUCIUOS ALLEN!!!

AM: Who.. *gurgh *whimper* Who's t-that??

Al:uh.. *Aheh*.. um.. hi honey.. this isn't what it looks like???

AM:W-what did she call you?? Burrrrnnnn wom wom wom *giggle*

Al: Uh.. could you STOP doing that now?? And.. uh.. she kinda adds names depending on how pissed she is...

AM: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I'M STUCK IN A POT BUT YERRRRRR COOKED!!! Burrrrnnnn wom wom *sqqip* wom

AND JUST WHAT AM I MISUNDERSTANDING ABOUT YOU HOLDING A NAKED MASTURBATING WOMAN?!?!?

Ummm...

HEY LOOK!! A DISTRACTION!!

http://animepower.de/images/smiles/eekout7xz5sa.gif

[Crazeyal]

So, that's it ladies and Gents. Undefeated in yet another match. I gotta give my opponant props, she surprised me an took an early lead. At one point it looked like she just HAD ME..

But then.. There's all that cash I got for selling the ONE GIRL ONE POT video..

:al:

RAY KENNETH MICHAEL VICK AL SHARPTON IDI AMIN JOSEPH MENGLER ALLEN

WHICH.. I'm gonna need on PLANEFAIRE!!!

http://animepower.de/images/smiles/eekout7xz5sa.gif

SEE YOU GUYS NEXT TIMEEEEEEEeee