Devil's Pantries

[620070]

My Kingdom for a turkey baster (http://www.daniellecorsetto.com/GWS435.html)

[Rapscallion]

You don't want to know what I thought of when I saw that strip.

Rapscallion

[Plunder Down-Under]

O.o

[Detritus]

You don't want to know what I thought of when I saw that strip.

Rapscallion

remind you of an old friend?

Clarice always makes me think of two things (well one person and a recurring experience...).

the person, was a college classmate that worked in a "toy shop" and had a view of things not unlike Clarice.

the experience, will take a little explaining so bear with me a moment
Comes from my time working as a package handler at the UPS location at the RDU airport. where after about 12-18 months, amoung other duties I wound up in charge of a small work crew loading packages into the the planes' belly compartments. after the first two weeks of that i got in the habit of explaining to the new guys (least the younger ones) ahead of time that packages marked "PHE Inc, Hillsborough NC" were the "discreet" packages from adam&eve.com, as part of the, in general "what to do if the box/mailer bag is open" speech. just so i wouldn't have a repeat of the "Hey Doug, look at me!" incident. open package+item shoved in his waistband for visual effect = his ass got fired (for removing the item from the open box and playing with it, not for what the item was).

Now, making comments like "sister's doing it for herself" when such a package appeared to be going to a Nun (Sister Mary-something in the adress line), THAT I couldn't stop...

[DarkPirateShea]

pwahaha, Detrius, your story reminds me of something that happened to a couple of my best friends. They both work the same belt at the nearby UPS. They get those packages once in a while as well. But they had one go through once that started vibrating inside the package. I think it was a return or something and someone forgot to take the batteries back out.

[Detritus]

they had one go through once that started vibrating inside the package. I think it was a return or something and someone forgot to take the batteries back out.

some of them Ship with the batteries in, they're SUPPOSED to have something in place to keep them from activating (mainly to keep the battery from running down).

At this point I need to make note that at the time i worked there the package handler jobs were done by a contractor company, since then all of the handler positions at that site have "gone brown" and become unionized UPS positions. i imagine alot of the shit i saw (and did) would get your ass fired now

I scared the hell out of one of the UPS guys (management) one time, had a "toy" that got turned on (to "high" no less) inside one of those soft plastic pouches. so Bill (not his real name) comes walking by below me (me= in baggage hold), "hey Bill! I think there's something wrong with this one!" and i tossed it to him, since this is on an active airport ramp he can't hear the the thing humming.. he did catch it, he did NOT hold on to it. the look on his face was priceless.

my fave OMFG moment regarding such products, had to be the "last day to ship so it shows up for chistmas" for '97, when Adam & Eve sent us a shipping igloo (fiberglass container shaped to fit the upper deck of plane, aprox 5'x10'x7') full of their products. but THAT wasn't the OMG moment, it was when we found the broken package from which slid a rather large and interestingly shaped toy with the following printed on the packaging "New 4-speed model! Low, Medium, High, and BITCHTAMER!" i shit you not that was what the packaging said.


Ok bear with me i can beat that, though it had nothing to do with adult toys.

One morning we unloaded a 3 foot square, 7 foot long crate from THE smallest and hardest to get to belly compartment of a DC-8. after we'd unloaded everything else, Myself and 5 other guys spent a good 45 minutes to an hour getting that monster out, wound up having to ease it out onto the ground and set it on end. three of us were asked to wait and help load it up for the customer (we got time + 1hr for this btw). while waiting we get to looking and realize that the contents of the crate is a casket... Now thinking: "Ok that's weird why would anyone UPS a damn casket of all things?". then the "customer" shows up, in a funeral home van. first words out of the guys mouth "i'm here to pick up a body" !!! :eek: :EJD:

Ok remember, No one told us what was inside the crate, and that we'd had to set this sucker on end to get it out. naturally the driver was taken aside and told they probably needed to "rearrange the stiff" before letting any of the family near it.
I still wanna know, who the sweet gibbering :censored: ships a BODY, UPS!?!?:soap:

[Silverharp]

, it was when we found the broken package from which slid a rather large and interestingly shaped toy with 4 speed settings "Low, Medium, High, and BITCHTAMER!" i shit you not that was waht the packaging said.

THAT is freaking awesome.

[Detritus]

THAT is freaking awesome.

That was our aproximate reaction as well, what made it even worse was that the person who found it and was showing it to the rest of us, and laughing the hardest. was the lone female on the crew.:jbdevil: